Black and Blue

Calling the guy back to say no to opening the coffee shop was hard this morning. The truth is, borrowing money to do such a risky thing is careless. He would come out well, we could be in over our heads. More perspective came as the day went on. There's actually nothing wrong with Craig's regular day job! It's cushy, no pressure, security every month, 6 weeks vacation, great insurance (dental, eye, medical) and he's home by 2:30 every afternoon and every weekend off! Why is that a bad thing?

I accidentally (?) met a guy today who has seen it all in 30 years of financial advising. Dream after dream after dream turning into burnout, bankruptcy and the family unit destroyed. He wasn't being brutal, just real! What he's seen and experienced is; starting each day, each week and each month at zero and trying to make it a go.....can suck the life out of you. Do the day job to be able to live how you want afterwards.

I went out to the river to sit and think and grieve and be. The salmon were thick spawning their lives away. The gravel of the river bed was different from them thrashing about. It was strange watching the female lay the eggs and the male fertilizing them. There was quite a ruckus going on, lives being spent in what looked like a futile endeavor. They were battered, bruised, ugly and must have been so tired! Wonder if they sleep at night? How soon do they die after spawning? I'll google it.

The truth is, there is hidden life growing in the rocks on the bottom of the river right now. What they were doing won't be wasted. They were born, they lived, they gave birth, they will die.

We're in between being born and dying. It is so easy to devalue our extraordinary, uncommonly ordinary middle part of life. We meet people doing grand things, meaningful things, in amazing places here and around the world sometimes against incredible odds and uncertainty. The desire to join them never ceases. Yet here I am in Smokey Point in a subdivision. Regular like. Never, never do the two parts of me quit fighting.......

See all the black and blue bruises?