Stress Relief

If you don't have much money for a date, cuddle without clothes -

it restores

If you are tired and worn out, make love -

it restores

If you need a pick me up better than coffee, kiss a long time -

it restores

If you need comforted, sit close holding hands -

it restores

If you are in pain, caressing carries it away-

it restores

If you are discouraged, take a shower together-

it restores

If you feel disconnected, give and receive a massage-

it restores

If you want to give a gift, give your body-

it restores

If you want a gift, ask for his body-

it restores

If you want to stop the world and get off, take a detour to the bedroom first-

it restores

If you feel dried up, used up and like giving up, passionately make out, park, neck or whatever you used to call it-

it restores

If you need more estrogen or more energy, don't take a pill, have sex-

it restores

If you don't know how or can't remember, learn, practice, ask, teach, study, talk, think creatively, use your imagination, play, discover, explore.

There is a banquet out there for married lovers; no one needs to starve or be malnourished from the one thing in life that is a free gift with so many benefits.

Recently I discovered The Sensuous Wife's blog; she has so much courage. She gives some of us a voice.

Today mom sent me a video of a sedate looking, 87 year old grandma dancing prim and proper with her young dashing grandson. Right in the middle, when it is becoming tedious, she throws up her hands and says with abandon, "I want to Salsa!" She then takes off her proper clothes and takes it up 52 notches adding BAM and electricity to that dance floor. She has panache, pizzazz, chutzpa,

style, finesse, spice, charisma, vibrancy, a valiant heart, enthusiasm and tangible energy. She is still succulent, juicy, wild, daring, playful, feminine, graceful and utterly captivating.

Salsa, girls?

Like Syrup

Thankfulness trickles out like slow, grade A, light amber, pure, maple syrup.

Gratefulness trumps depression.

Sweet.

NEWny

We call it his NEWny. Craig will be getting a new knee the 23rd. He has had chronic, acute pain for the last year. The Dr. told him he would know when it was time. It's past time.

He is looking forward to this grueling surgery and hard recovery. We hear lots of stories from people who have had it done. Most are successful. A few are horror stories. We are listening to the good stories.

Others have blazed this trail for him to follow. He will be a trail blazer for others.

Sometimes we get to borrow someone else's vision for the future. We try to see how good the other side of the hard circumstance is by seeing it through their eyes, but most of the time we can't know how good it will be. We can't ....................yet.

Restore Them

This Christmas, the emotional chaos in the hearts of people we know and love is painful. Their lives are different, they are alone this year because of death or divorce.

They face agonizing loneliness, strangling fear, feelings of rejection, loss, depression, anxiety and abandonment. They must go to plan B or Q or W, without it being their choice. Circumstances aren't coated with frosting and sugar.

"Comes a time on the journey you wonder how you will survive

There comes a time when you're thirsty and so alone you think you might die.

There is a pool in the desert where water flows from fountain and sea

saving water

healing water

flowing over me"

by Steve Hindalong

Real Day

On my way to make coffee, rubbing my eyes and trying to get the hair out of my face this morning I stepped in water covering the kitchen floor. It was dripping out from under the kitchen counter.

Four towels later, that nastiest of all spots was cleaned out. One of the copper pipes had been bumped somehow and the seal was dripping. All the soggy things had to be gone through, some thrown out.

Before calling Craig to see if I should turn off the water main, I made coffee. Coffee helps. Always gives a brighter forecast to the day.

I had invited a friend and her children to come over to decorate cookies and make some Christmas wreaths this morning. I had to go to plan B, then Q, working around my amazing plumber and the mess in the kitchen.

Craig had to tear out down to the sub floor, bleach it, dry it out, make a new shelf base and now he is soldering the pipe again.

My back is out, everyone is on their own for supper. It has been one of those days. Maggie has dug up most of the bulbs planted for spring. I forgot or rather procrastinated emptying the plant pots this fall before it froze. They will crack from freezing with moist dirt still inside.

I canceled a trip to Portland tomorrow, it was too overwhelming to think of, even though seeing old friends sounded wonderful.

This is real life at our house. In the midst of chaos, the take away from this day is a picture of Vivian face first into her sugar and frosting coated cookie, coming up for breath licking her lips and smiling without a care in the world.

Em and her girls were a gift today.

Christmas Supper History

Tessa's Christmas Dinner was fine. All sixteen showed up dressed to impress. There was a guy for every girl. She spent time on the seating, thoughtfully putting some people together and considerately keeping some apart.

A couple of new friends mixed things up a little. Here is the menu.

Appetizers:

Bruschetta with pesto, prosciutto, Gruyere and Parmesan.

Stuffed mushrooms

Demitasse cups with hot mulled cider or crushed peppermint rimmed ginger ale and eggnog

First course:

Iceberg salad wedge with garlic ranch sprinkled with toasted hazelnuts

Vegetable soup

Hot white roll with individual butter dish

Second course:

Stuffed pork loin medallions with grilled apple slices drizzled with apple cream sauce.

Asparagus

Mashed white and sweet potato with balsamic, vanilla, rosemary, butter and cream.

Dessert:

Press Pot coffee

Burnt Creme (Creme Brulee)

Lemon Curd Tart

Molten Chocolate Cake

The last ones out the door left at 11:45.

As they gathered to be seated, I collected every one's cell phone in a basket. Made a few break into a sweat. Even on vibrate, it breaks the spell and fragments the experience of being here now. They might have thought I was being controlling, doing it for me. I was doing it for them, to have an opportunity to experience being fully engaged in the moment - where they were and who they were with. That pile of phones went off and off and off. I should have padded them or stuffed a pillow over the top.

Between the meal and dessert, everyone picked a wrapped present from under the tree. Brita had helped Tessa pick out some hilarious things from the dollar store, which they wrapped beautifully.

I read the story of The Wright family. Each time the word Wright, left or right came up in the story, which was frequently, they had to pass the gift accordingly. It went fast and made everyone laugh.

One of the sweetest gifts Brita gave us both was changing her mind. At first, she said she didn't want to help wait and serve. She ended up being indispensable in the kitchen. Sometimes, when saying no is an option, changing it to yes is really a yes. She had such a yes heart for the entire endeavor. It worked seamlessly because of her generosity.

Christmas Supper

Our oldest daughter is having a semi-formal, 4 course, sit down Christmas Supper for 16 of her friends tomorrow night. She is excited, terrified they won't come, scared she'll flounder in pulling it off, while dreaming of it being an epic night for all of them.

I told her this is normal.

When it's all said and done, they will have fun being together and playing dress up for each other.

I'm proud of her for taking the risk, for offering, for planning such a layered event. I hope when she has her own home, she will keep inviting.

She asked me to waitress for her. It will be an honor, and give me an excuse to peep. It will be beautiful because 'when love is in the house, the house is packed'.

Homeless Questions

The front of his shirt proclaimed, 'Africa doesn't need me, I need Africa". It was a video of a couple of young guys traveling through Africa videotaping and documenting their trip.

We went to see "Blindside". The mother shrugs off the comments of her friends when they tell her she has made a huge difference in Michael's life with, "No, he's made a difference in mine".

I am really struggling with issues of giving outside my circle. Troubled about how to give time, money, energy, effort........ myself. Social Justice - the marginalized, the down trodden, the cast offs, homeless and addicted deserve care and a better life.

It would be helpful to talk with someone who has been involved closely, for more understanding. Send them my way if you know anyone.

There are so many questions. I deeply believe in grace - receiving what we don't deserve. I heartily believe in mercy - not getting what we do deserve. I want to have compassion and empathy along with unconditional love. We have received and experienced first hand all of the above - in so many ways from so many sources.

The sticky part is if I sincerely live like I believe in these principals, how does it all fit in with the reality of the natural law of sowing and reaping? If you plant a corn seed, you get a corn plant.......

How does it fit in with the natural law of consequences.? If you do this then, this is what happens......

My heart goes out to homeless people, especially in the winter. Being cold, dirty, stinky, without a bed to sleep in, no socks - it would be horribly difficult. The people I follow on Twitter who know, say food is the last thing they need. Give bus passes, phone cards, socks, rain ponchos, take their picture, help them do laundry, see them-look at them-talk with them, listen to their story.

Homeless shelters this year are overflowing. People stand in line all day for a bed at night. Many are turned away.

Part of me believes they want to live this way. It might not be true since I've never asked. They get a little money every month from social services along with food stamps. They wouldn't be turned away from a hospital. The hard, tough love part of me thinks, 'this is simply a natural consequence of their choices'.

[sound of gavel coming down hard]

Right now, there are hundreds of homeless gay young people dying in the SF Bay area from staff infection eating them alive. The video I watched didn't show the young man's face, but his sores were nasty, his voice so angry, blaming everyone and everything for his plight. What seemed like anger though, was probably raw fear.

Maybe I'm asking the wrong question. Maybe it's not about me/us making a difference, maybe taking action won't change any lives. I have a personal list of complete total failures to prove that one. What if it's me who needs them? Maybe I've always needed them and didn't know it before. Hmm.

River Calling

The sun is shining, the air is crisp and golden, the light is calling me to the river, again. Yesterday, I had my own private aerobatics show overhead, sitting all bundled up on the bank in the sunshine. What would I miss if I stayed away today. Maybe a story is waiting.

I'll be back later this afternoon, right now there's a river calling. Loudly.

Chores, you'll have to wait. Thanks to whoever made crockpots, my family won't suffer tonite.

Cheerio.

At Ease

Our daughter's bedroom is directly above ours. She's an adult now who has strange hours of working and sleeping.

We have always had a lock on our bedroom door, but these days, we use all sorts of things to make noise - the washer/dryer,the bathroom fan, music, etc. We sneak, plan and spy out the land for bedroom time. Ten o'clock at night when we're both tired or five in the morning when I don't know who or where I am doesn't work.

Making love makes noise. The bed makes noise and we make noise. When they were young and unaware, it wasn't an issue. Now, having two adult children in the house is interesting. They know what we're up to. We live in close proximity to each other.

Robert Louis Stevenson said, 'The children of lovers are orphans." Being lovers before parenting has always been our priority. We keep what's happening in the bedroom private, but they recognize the look, the touch, the spark, that kiss; the invitation to the party where they aren't invited.

We are the teenagers, our roles are reversed now. It's us sneaking around, trying not too look eager to have the house to ourselves. Or casually disappearing, only to reappear rumpled, sheepish, happy, relaxed and smiling.

The teasing when they were first becoming aware of their own sexuality used to be tinged with embarrassment, mockery and a few times, disgust. Other times, they crossed the line with ridicule. That's when we sat them down and told them that they weren't allowed to disparage and degrade this lovely part of our lives. It created them and is the good glue holding our marriage and family together.

It was mostly because it made them uncomfortable. We gently helped them become comfortable with themselves and their new awareness of us, carefully and with consideration.

It is common for parents to be ashamed or stop being lovers at this stage in life. Fight it! Look them in the eye! Maybe more descretion is needed, but be bold and unashamed of being lovers.

Now days, as they turn the stereo up or make themselves scarce, it is showing us consideration and courtesy. Adult to adult.

As Brita skipped out the door the other day, somehow knowing we were only too glad to see her leave, she turned and said, "I'm so glad you and dad love each other." She wasn't teasing us or embarrassed. It was a sincere compliment. She is at ease with herself and us.

The greatest gift parents can give their children is loving each other.