Brides

Two girlfriends are recently engaged to be married. Both are suddenly being loved by real men who are mature, grounded, and generous. Neither one has experienced anything similar in previous relationships.

This thing they are experiencing doesn't resemble the Hollywood model of lust, infatuation, or obsession.

For both of them it is a mature, long friendship that time and circumstances turned into romance, then wrapped in intimacy. Heart, mind, body, and soul. It was lagniappe on both accounts. Unexpected.

Both are older gals. They have known trouble and despair. Each in her own way has felt hopeless of ever knowing a future including a loving companion.

If you could see their faces. They shine. The room brightens when they walked in. They both look ten years younger. These women were pursued by men who took the initiative in wooing. The grooms wait impatiently to make them beloved brides. The wedding plans are unfolding with delight and joy.

It will be special to be a guest at their weddings.

Wait a minute! We are The Bride. Shouldn't our faces shine, too?

Reflecting Love

Wilfred wooed Thelma for five years before he married her. Letters diverted from a disapproving mother didn't cool his determination. His constancy continues now from the place where she lives full time and he lives day times. Her thick brown hair is still lush, but grey. A stroke ten years ago changed the direction of what they had envisioned for their golden years. They have gone far past plans A or B. 

Their view is one we can only partially empathize with as we look inside, and they look out with acceptance. 

Fifty nine years of deciding to honor their vows is an epic story. The prairie yields many similar stories. The staying power of love thrives here. We have seen it up close ourselves. Too close. Perhaps roots grow extra deep in this lonely sod? 

Thelma was a stunning young woman on the outside. Being in her presence for even a short while reveals a woman who is stunning on the inside, too. I was the one who felt visited. And blessed in her presence. All heaven will welcome one such as she. She stays because we need her light and love. 

Loverby

Fall in love? More like fall in like. My head toppled before my heart, then my body. I became enamored of this rare man first, because I knew he would:

-be faithful to one woman all of his life
-provide and care for his family first
-have our best interests at heart
-play with us
-not indulge in being angry, controlling or critical
-be hospitable
-decide and choose to love well

After years of my head observing and watching him, being his friend.....my heart opened to the possibilities of him being my partner and mate for life. My body followed joyously.

Mind. Soul. Heart. Body. In that order, you made all the difference Loverby. You have shown me the face of God. It is easy for us to love you for what you do. More importantly we love and respect you for who you are.

Thank you for letting it be me who is the mother of your children and the one woman......your one and only love.
Happy Father's Day.

Tune Up

Hard talk last night.

We slide too easily into ruts. 

They get deeper by the day. 

Comfortable, easy grooves where steering isn't necessary. 

Looking ahead isn't important in this track. 

We forget to shake off the stuckness. 

I'm always greedy for more ~ passion and curiosity, 

earnest learning, and my man pursuing me with gusto.

A vibrant marriage takes purposeful intent.

Stimulating conversation needs seeded. 

Passionate physical intimacy needs a new outlook at times. 

It seems demanding to want more than comfortable. 

We remind each other. 

I ask.
We decide. 

Craving more is a compliment to the day we said "I Do". 

We agreed to turn the dial one notch from default. 

It's a new morning. 

Regular tune-ups make engines run forever. 

Maintenance makes marriage more. 

He's revving up his engine, brawny like. 

My motor's purring smooth and steady. 

Ready once again ~ for more. 

Freestyle. 

Invariably, we'll again fall back in another groove.

Need to do it again, again.

And we will, because we like I do's.

Heart Rock Love

Wedding Pic

Happy 21st Anniversary Loverby - You were, you are and always will be my best beloved and studmuffin forever-n-ever, amen.

Can I just say.....I sure wish I still had a neck?  :)

Nice Spice

Today is our anniversary. Twenty first. Craig is three weeks out from having a knee replacement and I have a terrible bout of bronchitis going on.

This is real life. Nothing physically romantic. No red hot passion. There isn't a one upping last year happening. We're not 'getting away'.

It's OK. More than OK. We have survived hard times, endured the drudge times, enjoyed fun times, embraced the sad time, walked through painful times, trudged determinedly through growth times, been generous in the forgiving times, laughed at the comedies, cried at the tragedies.

He knows exactly how I like my coffee. I know how to give him a massage to untangle his seized muscles.

He likes me just like I am. I like him just like he is. We have a friendship that can withstand this plain season of simply caring for each other with simple acts of kindness. Caregiving doesn't sound very romantic. It isn't. Caregiving is about sacrificing and sacrificing is about love. And giving. The romance part? It'll come back, we'll have to fertilize it, dig around it, water it. Care for it. Be on purpose. Crave it.

My kisser needs reminded that...

The other part will come back, like green grass in the spring. Tom Waits says, "You Can Never Hold Back Spring".

This is also true.

Thanks Loverby, for my extraordinarily ordinary, uncommonly common life - full of tender hearted loving kindness.

Looking forward to some sizzle to add to the mix when we both are well.  BAM. Nice is nice, spice is nicer.

My Line His Dot

Our 21st anniversary is coming up next week. I was four months pregnant when we were married by a justice of the peace at the home of friends. The bump under my dress was hinting at it during our wedding. We needed to marry sooner than we did, but it would have been terrible to 'jump' Craig's brother's wedding.

They had been engaged properly with a lovely wedding planned. Their wedding was beautiful and warm. Big family affair on both sides. The bride in white was pale pink, while I was green; not with jealously, but morning sickness.

About five years before, I had chosen an abortion to end an unplanned pregnancy. This time around, I really loved and cared for the father and knew he would take good care of us. The first time I didn't have a conscience or a constitution. This time, I would not have considered it, although telling our parents and friends was hard. I never wanted Craig to feel trapped or manipulated, didn't want to lose my best friend.

A marriage has stages. The first years were hard. We had one set back after another for years and years. I don't really know how he had the fortitude and wherewithal to keep loving me. High maintenance is putting it mild. If you ask him, he just says, "I decided to, that's all". He has always told the girls and me that we are his dreams come true. He is so convincing, we believe him.

As our anniversary comes around, I looked back through this last year of blogging. He is high on the list of things I write about. I describe him, give him tribute, explain, laugh, ruminate, ponder and share him with words.

He hasn't always been top on my list. One of my worst fears is that I would be unfaithful to him - I can be fickle when I'm not being bipolar. I have admired other men more than him more than once. I have found other things more important and more interesting by default once in a while.

Honesty has kept the intimacy of our deep friendship. He has never been offended when I've come to him with my fears, shame, troubles or secrets. We have never had secrets from each other. Ever. He is safe for me to be real, so I never have to be anything else. That's a comfort. Trust keeps growing as respect gets heaped on the pile of love.

Yesterday, Hugh Mcleod tweeted "The Dot and the Line" a romance about lower mathematics.

If you clicked the link, you heard our life story better than I could tell it. I consider myself a fortunate woman. Twenty one years fortunate. Hot- tears- melting- my- face- thankful. It could have all turned out so different at every crossroad on the journey. 


Thank you line.
Love, 
dot

Stress Relief

If you don't have much money for a date, cuddle without clothes -

it restores

If you are tired and worn out, make love -

it restores

If you need a pick me up better than coffee, kiss a long time -

it restores

If you need comforted, sit close holding hands -

it restores

If you are in pain, caressing carries it away-

it restores

If you are discouraged, take a shower together-

it restores

If you feel disconnected, give and receive a massage-

it restores

If you want to give a gift, give your body-

it restores

If you want a gift, ask for his body-

it restores

If you want to stop the world and get off, take a detour to the bedroom first-

it restores

If you feel dried up, used up and like giving up, passionately make out, park, neck or whatever you used to call it-

it restores

If you need more estrogen or more energy, don't take a pill, have sex-

it restores

If you don't know how or can't remember, learn, practice, ask, teach, study, talk, think creatively, use your imagination, play, discover, explore.

There is a banquet out there for married lovers; no one needs to starve or be malnourished from the one thing in life that is a free gift with so many benefits.

Recently I discovered The Sensuous Wife's blog; she has so much courage. She gives some of us a voice.

Today mom sent me a video of a sedate looking, 87 year old grandma dancing prim and proper with her young dashing grandson. Right in the middle, when it is becoming tedious, she throws up her hands and says with abandon, "I want to Salsa!" She then takes off her proper clothes and takes it up 52 notches adding BAM and electricity to that dance floor. She has panache, pizzazz, chutzpa,

style, finesse, spice, charisma, vibrancy, a valiant heart, enthusiasm and tangible energy. She is still succulent, juicy, wild, daring, playful, feminine, graceful and utterly captivating.

Salsa, girls?

At Ease

Our daughter's bedroom is directly above ours. She's an adult now who has strange hours of working and sleeping.

We have always had a lock on our bedroom door, but these days, we use all sorts of things to make noise - the washer/dryer,the bathroom fan, music, etc. We sneak, plan and spy out the land for bedroom time. Ten o'clock at night when we're both tired or five in the morning when I don't know who or where I am doesn't work.

Making love makes noise. The bed makes noise and we make noise. When they were young and unaware, it wasn't an issue. Now, having two adult children in the house is interesting. They know what we're up to. We live in close proximity to each other.

Robert Louis Stevenson said, 'The children of lovers are orphans." Being lovers before parenting has always been our priority. We keep what's happening in the bedroom private, but they recognize the look, the touch, the spark, that kiss; the invitation to the party where they aren't invited.

We are the teenagers, our roles are reversed now. It's us sneaking around, trying not too look eager to have the house to ourselves. Or casually disappearing, only to reappear rumpled, sheepish, happy, relaxed and smiling.

The teasing when they were first becoming aware of their own sexuality used to be tinged with embarrassment, mockery and a few times, disgust. Other times, they crossed the line with ridicule. That's when we sat them down and told them that they weren't allowed to disparage and degrade this lovely part of our lives. It created them and is the good glue holding our marriage and family together.

It was mostly because it made them uncomfortable. We gently helped them become comfortable with themselves and their new awareness of us, carefully and with consideration.

It is common for parents to be ashamed or stop being lovers at this stage in life. Fight it! Look them in the eye! Maybe more descretion is needed, but be bold and unashamed of being lovers.

Now days, as they turn the stereo up or make themselves scarce, it is showing us consideration and courtesy. Adult to adult.

As Brita skipped out the door the other day, somehow knowing we were only too glad to see her leave, she turned and said, "I'm so glad you and dad love each other." She wasn't teasing us or embarrassed. It was a sincere compliment. She is at ease with herself and us.

The greatest gift parents can give their children is loving each other.

Seeing Red

We need to get a new light bulb for our bedroom. A red one. The old one burned out. We keep forgetting to grab one at the store. I miss it so much....miss the ambiance it creates and the way it casts us in a good light, literally!

There was a reason for the red light district being red ~ the red lantern being red.

Whenever a bride gets married, I love to give her a red light bulb with an explanation, encouraging them to use it. As the years go by, I'm glad we have always had a lock on our bedroom door and a red light over or beside the bed.

Candle light works too, but a soft red light in your 'boudoir' makes anyone beautiful. Facial hair, wrinkles, cellulite, puffy eyes, lily white parts, saggy stuff ~ all look amazingly appetizing under the transformational influence of a red light. You can't feel shy or self conscious wrapped in it's soft red glow. And the other person seems ethereal. It creates this illusion, making both of you feel like you've been painted by one of the great masters!

I'm sure there will be a run on red light bulbs now that you know. Send money if you like it.

Doing 'I Do' Well

Our simple hand made wedding announcement had a quote from Shakespeare's 'King John' calligraphed on them. I believed it then. I do still.

"He is half the part of a blessed man, left to be finished by such as she; and she, a fair divided excellence, whose fullness of perfection lies in him."

There are men who complain about their wives to everyone. They ridicule, dishonor and expose their faults and vulnerabilities. They are sarcastic, easily making everyone laugh - jokes at her expense. Sometimes they passively don't engage in any way.

These women look flat, don't desire their husbands, have shut off completely from the criticism and to protect themselves. They have a broken spirit, look hopeless and have lost that captivating, inviting, enthused look. They look shriveled, dried up and somewhat forlorn.

The other kind of man covers his wife. Protects her. Honors her by speaking well of her to family and friends and children. Takes the blame and fault on himself. Takes the hits for her. Nurtures her. Encourages her. Empowers her. Treats her tenderly. Shelters her. Invites her. Plays with her. Compliments her. Is affectionate outside the context of sex. Gives instead of takes. Serves her. Prays with her, for her. Fights for her.

I was recently with a friend whose second husband is the second kind of man. Her first husband was the first kind of man. In the years I've known her she has slowly become confident, secure and relaxed. She looks younger and stunningly beautiful now. She glows! She has extraordinary poise and composure. She is accomplishing unbelievable achievements. He is so proud of her!

As we all hit the 50's, it is becoming pretty obvious....... a few girlfriends have bloomed into butterflies. It doesn't seem to be because the woman is or isn't anything, however. It's simply that a certain kind of high caliber man chooses to love her fully and well, all the days of her life, even when he doesn't feel like it! It's how the lover loves, not how lovable or unlovable the beloved is.

All of us women, at times, have the propensity for bitchiness, disrespect, bossiness, irritability, hormonal emotional roller coaster rides, and the common curse of control which we were born with. Yet, there are men who choose to love us, who consistently show us with actions and words, who have graced us with unconditional, on purpose love. It was easy to take for granted when we were younger. Not any more!

Love will make you beautiful! Love does change everything.

Thanks loverby, for ever saying 'I do' and meaning it, sticking with it no matter what. You have. You do. I do too.

ilike

ilike: the burgundy silk tassels on ripened corn clinging to the stalk, the perfume of fresh cut hay laying in fluffy rows, cows with full udders meandering home to the barn for relief, lambs playing king of the mountain, the pungent scent of silage, salmon pink sunsets hovering over the Sound, a throbbing motorcycle seat to straddle, warm wind gliding over me, barns with stately cupolas, fresh picked sun ripened blackberries with a dollop of heavy cream and a hint of sugar, a hug that folds me inside out/outside in and back again, a bath hot enough to melt the sticky layer of sadness away.

ilike tonight. ilike exploring country roads. ilike invited. ilike loverby.

Checked Off

Craig helps me check things of my bucket list. Today, we scratched another one off. It is so fun when he makes the plan, does the footwork, figures out the how and why and invites me along to join him. Romance at it's very best - I just sit back and enjoy the ride. Literally! :)

This morning, he woke me bright and early, too early, but he offered hot coffee to ease the pain of broken sleep. We dropped a car at the trailhead so we would have a way home when we finished, came back home and road our bikes to the bus stop. We started our adventure close to home with a transfer in Everett, then got dropped off in Snohomish to start at the South end of Centennial Trail, riding home ~ north 18 miles.

It was a very interesting ride. Two homeless women were giving each other tips on which dumpster to dive into for clothes, showing each other a few trinkets that were special and sharing their health issues and hopes. Neither had any teeth. Usually that is a sign of prolonged Meth usage? They were starting a new day, but it was 'Groundhog Day' again, it seemed. It was so sad. When we transferred in Everett, one gal with a bluetooth planted in her ear and a phone in her hand, also toothless, talked the entire time to an imaginary someone on the other side. A handsome, restless young man talked to himself, looking out the window, slathering it with hot steamy breath and words any time he saw a female outside. I felt violated for the unaware girl each time. A twenty something unkempt girl took a pacifier out of her mouth and asked us where the Seattle bus was. We told her we were new to the bus system, she shrugged, plunked it back in and started sucking on it again! ~ Oh, the broken humans we sat on buses with this morning! Makes me want to ride it more often, then really look them in the eye, see them and learn to love them, instead of feeling the tinge of repulsion I felt, quickly turning away, so I wouldn't meet their eyes.

Craig encouraged me the entire way, finding spots to rest with benches, uncomplainingly made a potty stop, showed me his favorite place - the dock on Lake Cassidy, clicking off the miles with, "Honey, we've gone 1/4 of the way, 1/2 the way, 3/4 of the way, we're on the home stretch now".

When halfway into our ride, my 'lunar cycle' unexpectedly caused 'the tide to come in' and threaten to swamp me and soak my clothes and seat, he knew exactly where a midget store with emergency supplies was, only 150 feet off the trail in Lake Stevens. Unembarrassed, he payed, pointed to the restroom which I couldn't see and waited patiently till I found my composure again.

When we passed under the final bridge and had only 4 miles of easy downhill, he encouraged me to keep going, instead of stopping to rest once more, using my momentum to ease into the finish - enjoying it.

Before we put the bikes in the truck, he hugged me tight and told me how proud he was of me, riding 18 miles in 2 1/2 hours. Him celebrating me doing something which seemed impossible, but which I needed to check off my list, made my day! It wasn't at all record breaking, but we finished what we started.

I dearly love this man and his tenderhearted loving kindness, understanding care and encouragement.

Weekend Wonderfulness

Craig and I left Saturday for Olympia. Craig and Glynn have a truck race tradition every year, so Sue and I sit in the garden and gab for hours while they are gone. Rhubarb pie and ice cream finishd the night. Maggie was invited, but maybe won't be again - she tormented Otis with her puppy exuberance. He wasn't impressed with her stealing his chew toys, stuffed toy or the games of chase that she won. She loved it though!

It was pretty late, so we just spent the night, even though we hadn't planned on it, hence, no toothbrush, fresh underclothes, deodorant, brush..........dog food, etc. Oh well, those are the best memories, the serendipitous ones!

Craig and Glynn went to the truck stop for breakfast, then we took off for Westport, instead of home. The ocean was stunning! We sat on a blanket curled up in a nest/wind break of driftwood, completely entertained by the rhythm of the waves. As Craig napped, I took Maggie on a long walk around the point. It was astringent for my soul.

We wanted to explore the North beaches for the afternoon and take the back loop home. Ocean Shores is despicable, but Pacific Beach, Moclips and the beaches south of Forks are more than completely delightful. There is a rough, small, first come - first served camping spot on a bluff that I will be going camping at someday! I have my spot picked out already. The thought of going to sleep and waking up to the waves right there make me tingle with anticipation. Craig said he'd be at the Kalaloch Lodge, sleeping close by, meeting me for beach walks and meals. Did I mention it was very primitive? :)

Craig's 2 handled trick kite is usually in the trunk, thankfully! He found perfect wind in Pacific Beach. Maggie and I were his go-to girls if it hit ground. It is so fun to watch him play. How can a person have such prowess in play? It was jaw dropping, some of the stunts he put the kite through. In fact, I think it might need a few repairs before it's next flight.....

The ferry wait in Kingston was grueling, like an SOS pad scouring some of the shine right off our magical day. Then the construction going on at night in South Everett put a few high pitched scrapes on. We were at first happy tired, then I took it up a notch and got really itchy and cranky. Had to apologize about 13 times in 13 miles for being a witchy woman.

It is a little crazy to put so many miles and hours on in a day exploring, but this is our 'backyard' and even though we go and go, there are so many new places to discover. Will it ever end? I hope not.

One of the sweetest moments was in Westport while Craig was in the store buying iced tea and some nuts to munch on. I noticed the car next to us had a wheel chair in the back seat and a somewhat sick looking older man in the passenger seat. When his wife came out with 3 bags of things, instead of putting them in the back seat or trunk, she came to his open window and item by item shared her purchases with him. He looked like maybe he had had a stroke or something. I could not quit eavesdropping as this beautiful scene unfolded. It seemed like they were on vacation as she bought a couple books of local color, one of the lighthouse history, a local paper and groceries. She took every single item out of the bag, showed him and put it back in. It didn't seem tedious or dutiful. Both of their faces were lit up and responding to the wonders contained within those plastic bags. Every time she showed him the next thing it was like he got his ticket called and won another door prize. They did not tire of this until the last thing was explored. Talk about milking and squeezing every moment of delight out of the commonest of shared experiences. They were a picture of long time dedication, care and the kind of love that is tried and true to the end. They were completely oblivious of my gawking.

It came back to me several times that day, that what Craig and I were doing today, would be what will give us the ability to drink from that reservoir of stored up habits of love later, hopefully! If we store up enough moments of living together in an understanding way, playing, laughing, loving, adventuring, resting, restoring, respecting, learning each other, sacrificing for each other, giving generously.........we'll be practiced and skilled enough at it that when a really hard experience comes along, we'll simply keep doing what we have done, with some fine tuned adjustments to fit the new now.

Once Upon That Mattress

Craig and I have always had a great and easy physical relationship and if it's true that what's happening in the bedroom is the thermometer for what's happening in the marriage, then for the last 20 years our marriage has been satisfying, pleasurable and fulfilling.  What's happening in our bedroom is as natural as rain. Playful, tender, generous, plentiful and sometimes real funny!   

We've always had a running joke about quarters...... 'Got five minutes? I've got a quarter', etc.   Flirtatious.    

A couple of years ago we were having a honeymoon weekend on Orcas at our favorite place to have this sort of wonderfulness.  We no sooner walked in and put our bags down than the romping, playing and loving started and finished like an instant sprint for both of us in a surprisingly short time. Like really short!  It was kinda fun, and a little surprising.  

Everyone knows that usually these things take some effort, a little time, some flippin' the switch and warm up exercises always help to ensure it ends well for both. 

Idealistically, we were thinking, wow, getting older is going to just get better and better!

Then realistically we thought, wow, maybe it's just the mattress and promptly checked to see what brand it was!   

The rest of the afternoon and evening were relaxing and cozy.  We slept like babies, woke up starving and quickly found a great breakfast cafe with good coffee.  Mt. Constitution was calling our name so we climbed all over the rock lookout tower admiring the heavy doors, stairs and wrought iron hinges.  The view is breathtaking in any direction.  Exhilarating.  It's new every time.

We headed back and no sooner got in the door than.....woohooo, replay of the afternoon before! Except this time it would have to be called instant gratification for me, as in instant!  Instant like lightning.   Craig has an extremely dry sense of humor;  without missing a beat he looked down wondering if he had left his Superman underwear on,  grinned mischievously and asked, "Honey, since I don't have any change for that quarter, should I just keep going?"  

We literally rolled off whatever kind of amazing mattress it was, tears streaming, sides aching, cheeks cramped and laughed till we collapsed completely.  We couldn't breathe or get up off the floor for quite awhile. 

The first part was good, but that laughter had all the loving texture of our lives boxed up, wrapped, and beribboned.  I took it off the shelf so you could have a peek inside and I could remember.

 

Love Engraved

When Craig and I started having romantic feelings for each other after 4 years of a warm, easy, comfortable friendship, his most used line was "me too".  

I read a lot, love words, in fact am completely smitten by the written word, lyrics, and love listening to people who are true wordsmiths, word crafters etc.   (I prefer subltitled movies so I can read it while watching)  

Some of my verbal acrobatics could and did make Craig dizzy often, as in frequently.   It took me about 4 months to realize that he was saying 'me too' often, as in frequently!  :)    After an especially poetic, mushy, sentimental expression of love - he would shyly say with his dimple flashing,  'me too'.   That's all!  

It was effective anyhow, as he took me effortlessly to a world beyond mere words.......  

The day before our wedding, we got our plain, simple, $99.00 JC Penney's wedding bands engraved. His, a size 14 has "Forever and Ever, Amen" engraved.  My permanent token to him.  When Craig asked the jeweler if there was room for that, he replied that there was enough room for the Gettysburg Address. (The ringbearer fiddled with that ring until it almost got tangled around his little wrist)

Craig's engraved token to me could only be "Me Too" in reply. 

We still have and wear these rings and the engravings are still visible and readable.  There are nicks and scratches on the outside, but the inside is slick and still new looking.  

The thing I appreciate most after all these years is Craig's simple use of words.  They are real. Sincere.  Non manipulative.  Few.  Worthwhile.  Genuine.  Full of wisdom and common sense. So sweet.  Encouraging.  And his truth and correction is easy to swallow.  Worth listening to. The man's timing....he knows when to talk, how to listen but mostly knows love is an action verb instead of just a word.  

More often than not these days, it's me saying a heart felt  "Me Too" to some beautifully expressed words from him that are just right, like the baby bear's porridge.   

  

Nix On It...

Being transparent about our marriage is a little bit exposing.  Oh well.  Maybe it will suspend some beliefs of other couples and help other people hear about a different way of romance.  

As Valentine's Day comes around, Craig and I do what we call a temperature check with the love thermometer, to make sure what has always been, is still working for us. 

We are strange in our culture.  This is one of the few years he is getting a homely homemade card from me, just because I am in the mood to make one.   We typically don't cave into the pressure that is exerted by ads, Hallmark, the media to give each other extravagant gifts, or getaways on Valentine's Day or our anniversary, or go out to fancy meals on those days. 

It just hasn't been our custom.   We both like real.   The expectations of  'THE DAY' can be a burden.  When 'THEY' dictate how it has to be, in order for it to qualify as 'romantic' it can be so disappointing and leave you both flat.  Once in a while we spontaneously will go out to dinner on our anniversary, but it is serendipitous.  

But on the other hand,  are we romantic?  Absolutely YES!    It fits us though, and probably wouldn't fit anyone else....custom made.    I think so many men think they have to dream up some huge lavish weekend with all the bells and whistle's, then outdo themselves the next time to one up it.   For me, it isn't true.   Guess I'm a cheap easy date, because I love how Craig serves it up....no pressure to perform for either of us.

Craig is the most romantic man in the world because he studies me, my needs, wants and desires.   It fits me to a tee, the sweet things he does, and most the time it is something extremely simple:  

An invite to go for a drive, meandering along the backroads.... 

A coffee date-the man knows exactly how I like my coffee..... 

Every once in a great while he buys me a Safeway bouquet without breaking the bank account.

Sometimes he runs my tubbath.... 

He offers to put lotion on my feet.... 

One of the tenderest things he does is to wash my hair for me in the shower...

An e-mail love note waiting for me when I and my laptop wake up......

When he looks at me like he would pick me all over again if he could do it over again...

When he wants to cuddle with me until I'm satiated, and renewed..... 

If he tucks my hair behind my ear........

Singing old love songs and asking me to dance......

Now for the most-est best-est wonderfulness:  

When Craig finds water for me to splash in, he pretty much has me body, heart and soul, even if he doesn't get in with me.   During the summer, after working hard in the yard he will see this look on my  face and will somehow know that I need water.  He'll air up my float and take me up to the Jordan Bridge, drop me off with a sweet kiss and wave me off, then pick me up in 2 hours at River Meadows.  He lets me hug him dripping wet and kisses the smile he put there. 

That is romance to me.     

I'm so thankful that he takes the risk to give me these simple things that rock my world, melt my heart,  and go against everything in our world that pushes for "diamonds".  

Thank you my love for truly knowing how, learning how, practicing all the time.....the skill of being romantical!   I hope you feel this sense of being loved and respected from me, although I know I'm not as good at it as you.   Happy Valentine's Day, our way..........     :)

Losing the 'list'

We hadn't been married 10 years yet when Craig came home exclaiming over a radio program he had heard, probably Focus on the Family or something.

 On it, an older gentleman who had been married for 70 years or so was asked what the secret to his happy and successful marriage was.  He told how before his wife and he were married they were counseled to write a list of 10 things that really irritated each them about the other person, keep it, and over the years decide on purpose to forgive each other ahead of time for those things.

On the honeymoon, fur was flying and he was so annoyed at something she did, so he looked for that list, knowing that if it was on it, he had to forgive her, carte blanche!  He could not find the list.  It was really truly lost.

From the time of their honeymoon till end of their marriage, when his wife did something that really bugged him or irritated him, he would say to himself, "Well, it must be one of those things on the list" and he would forgive her.   

Craig 'lost the list' on me long ago.  It gives me room to know true sorrow that brings about repentance and change.  It's good soil to thrive and grow in.  He's got the technique refined - I'm still trying to pass 'kindergarten' on that one!   

Bon Marche Star

Archived from facebook notes..... 

One Christmas, when Craig was working downtown Seattle at the Westin Building on 6th, I decided to meet him and ride home with him after work.  I had driven down with some friends who left me at the Bon Marche to hook up with him.  We planned to meet me under the Christmas star at 6:00.  It is an icon downtown, which can't be missed.  It seemed perfect and fool proof.  

I didn't have a phone or my wallet for some dumb reason.  His building was secure and only accessed by a security clearance card.  I waited and waited past the time he should have been there.  We always had a pact, if I stay put, he will come for me and find me.  This had always worked before.  After one hour, I started fretting and worrying, because it was cold and I felt so powerless, totally helpless.  My problem solving skills deteriorated!  I scrounged in my pockets and bag and found a couple quarters, found a phone and tried to call his cell.  No answer.  Now what?  Hurried back to my place under the star and waited.  Unbeknownst to me he had been going around the building, which is a block all total.  He had looked at the entrance where I had been waiting right before I went to the phone.  I wasn't there for just those few moments and we missed each other.   

He finally found me after some time and more trips around the block.  I started yelling and crying and accusing him.  He let me down!   My misery felt like his fault.   He let me rant and rave......then, when I finished, he quietly and lovingly looked at me and asked, "Were you scared?"  I fell into his arms and cried and cried, saying over and over again, "Yes, I was so scared and felt so hopeless and didn't know what to do."  He then explained that there was more than one star.  I had assumed there was only one. 

I was sorry and repentant and embarrassed all at once.  When I asked him to forgive me, he already had, before I asked and said, "For what?"  

That's tender- hearted loving- kindness.  That's grace in action.  That's the sweet life!