Tuesday, December 1, 2009

At Ease

Our daughter's bedroom is directly above ours. She's an adult now who has strange hours of working and sleeping.

We have always had a lock on our bedroom door, but these days, we use all sorts of things to make noise - the washer/dryer,the bathroom fan, music, etc. We sneak, plan and spy out the land for bedroom time. Ten o'clock at night when we're both tired or five in the morning when I don't know who or where I am doesn't work.

Making love makes noise. The bed makes noise and we make noise. When they were young and unaware, it wasn't an issue. Now, having two adult children in the house is interesting. They know what we're up to. We live in close proximity to each other.

Robert Louis Stevenson said, 'The children of lovers are orphans." Being lovers before parenting has always been our priority. We keep what's happening in the bedroom private, but they recognize the look, the touch, the spark, that kiss; the invitation to the party where they aren't invited.

We are the teenagers, our roles are reversed now. It's us sneaking around, trying not too look eager to have the house to ourselves. Or casually disappearing, only to reappear rumpled, sheepish, happy, relaxed and smiling.

The teasing when they were first becoming aware of their own sexuality used to be tinged with embarrassment, mockery and a few times, disgust. Other times, they crossed the line with ridicule. That's when we sat them down and told them that they weren't allowed to disparage and degrade this lovely part of our lives. It created them and is the good glue holding our marriage and family together.

It was mostly because it made them uncomfortable. We gently helped them become comfortable with themselves and their new awareness of us, carefully and with consideration.

It is common for parents to be ashamed or stop being lovers at this stage in life. Fight it! Look them in the eye! Maybe more descretion is needed, but be bold and unashamed of being lovers.

Now days, as they turn the stereo up or make themselves scarce, it is showing us consideration and courtesy. Adult to adult.

As Brita skipped out the door the other day, somehow knowing we were only too glad to see her leave, she turned and said, "I'm so glad you and dad love each other." She wasn't teasing us or embarrassed. It was a sincere compliment. She is at ease with herself and us.

The greatest gift parents can give their children is loving each other.


Anonymous said...

What a gift you and Craig have given to your girls...

Anonymous said...

Oops! above comment (SH)