Doing 'I Do' Well

Our simple hand made wedding announcement had a quote from Shakespeare's 'King John' calligraphed on them. I believed it then. I do still.

"He is half the part of a blessed man, left to be finished by such as she; and she, a fair divided excellence, whose fullness of perfection lies in him."

There are men who complain about their wives to everyone. They ridicule, dishonor and expose their faults and vulnerabilities. They are sarcastic, easily making everyone laugh - jokes at her expense. Sometimes they passively don't engage in any way.

These women look flat, don't desire their husbands, have shut off completely from the criticism and to protect themselves. They have a broken spirit, look hopeless and have lost that captivating, inviting, enthused look. They look shriveled, dried up and somewhat forlorn.

The other kind of man covers his wife. Protects her. Honors her by speaking well of her to family and friends and children. Takes the blame and fault on himself. Takes the hits for her. Nurtures her. Encourages her. Empowers her. Treats her tenderly. Shelters her. Invites her. Plays with her. Compliments her. Is affectionate outside the context of sex. Gives instead of takes. Serves her. Prays with her, for her. Fights for her.

I was recently with a friend whose second husband is the second kind of man. Her first husband was the first kind of man. In the years I've known her she has slowly become confident, secure and relaxed. She looks younger and stunningly beautiful now. She glows! She has extraordinary poise and composure. She is accomplishing unbelievable achievements. He is so proud of her!

As we all hit the 50's, it is becoming pretty obvious....... a few girlfriends have bloomed into butterflies. It doesn't seem to be because the woman is or isn't anything, however. It's simply that a certain kind of high caliber man chooses to love her fully and well, all the days of her life, even when he doesn't feel like it! It's how the lover loves, not how lovable or unlovable the beloved is.

All of us women, at times, have the propensity for bitchiness, disrespect, bossiness, irritability, hormonal emotional roller coaster rides, and the common curse of control which we were born with. Yet, there are men who choose to love us, who consistently show us with actions and words, who have graced us with unconditional, on purpose love. It was easy to take for granted when we were younger. Not any more!

Love will make you beautiful! Love does change everything.

Thanks loverby, for ever saying 'I do' and meaning it, sticking with it no matter what. You have. You do. I do too.

Some Kind of Wonderful

Hopping on a horse isn't quite as easy as trick riders make it look like in the movies. In real life, you use a fence, a mounting block of some kind, some one's knee or their locked hands as a step; unless you are a gymnast, extremely athletic or your horse is really, really short!

Our girls went camping with some friends this weekend. First time these kids went without adults or parents. They planned it, found the spot, made their own arrangements through at least a thousand text messages and phone calls.

I googled the spot they picked and was amazed at it's beauty and the offerings available. We were a bit concerned as it was first come, first served - hoping that on a Friday such a place would have openings for all of them.

Craig and Kevin helped load some wood and kindling from Claude's pile. They asked to use the pick up. I baked them some cookies. They wanted to take the legendary cast iron breakfast pan.....the one that takes two to lift. They checked off item after item, separating needs and wants and things that needed bought for the other cooler when they arrived. Tess picked some tomatoes from the garden at the last minute. They had plans for gourmet meals around the fire. We suggested a few chairs and reminded them of a few necessities they hadn't thought about.

I wanted to call a million times and say dumb stuff, ask silly questions and taint it; then stopped my self in time. They can think, they know how to solve problems, they can make do, they have a sense of humor, they weren't worried, they were taught to crave this, they were together on an adventure!

All they needed was 'a leg up'........... and they were off like the wind. The joy of freedom, knowing they were capable of working it all out carried them far beyond us.

The short text message brought sweet relief ......... "Made it, found a good spot."

It will be fun to hear the stories they will tell of the memories they made. And, whoa there~these aren't kids, I keep forgetting, they are ADULTS! Freaky! I keep forgetting! When did that happen?

Living in Normal

Old friends are visiting from Iowa for a couple of days before they head to the San Juan's to get their sailing certificate. They will be able to check it off their list of dreams. It is inspiring to hear them tell how they planned for it and listen to their enthusiasm. We are vicariously enjoying it through them. We are treating them REALLY good, so when they get their boat, we'll hopefully have guest privileges? Craig can learn to crew, I'll be the busty mermaid ornament lashed onto the bow-sprit for decoration and good luck.

Having a few dreams dangling in the future is fun and makes life interesting. Always has until now. It is the weirdest thing ever.......for the first time in my life, I don't really have any. There's no burning in the bosom to accomplish anything specific, no fire in my belly to fight for some cause, no curiosity to explore or go, no unbirthed dreams that need some wheels put to them. Feels a bit empty, sort of a bleak or maybe blank horizon. Strange and unfamiliar.

However, there is contentment in the common everyday things. It's all very ordinary, a bit predictable, satisfying in a way and puttering. Not doddering; puttering - like puttzing. Dabbling. Lots of freedom to do or not to do. It doesn't feel like a waste of time or anything like that. Nor does it feel like I'm living by default instead of on purpose. But, nothing feels grand, intense, earthshaking or adventuresome; it's hard to see any one thing in my day mattering tremendously in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe I'm living in normal now? On a street named ordinary. With a common house number. It seems good. Maybe there is here. Maybe here is now. I do believe that the best is yet to come. That definitely gives me a little tingle of anticipation.

Ok, whew, there's still a bit of juice left. :)

Maybe it's not a blank horizon, but a blank canvas......to paint on? But what to paint?

Acres of Blackberries

Blackberries are the curse and bane of Washington property owners. There are people who make their living by destroying the thorny, crawling bushes that will take over sheds, plants, meadows, fences and pastures. We passionately hate blackberry bushes ~ until fall, when the berries are ripening on someone else's land. :)

Maggie and I headed to the river this morning armed with hope and two baskets. We started down at the farthest point and worked our way up to the main road.

Picking blackberries requires stealth and planning and a system. You have to find a patch off the road so it hasn't been sprayed or contaminated. You casually forget to tell anyone else where your patch is, because if you keep it groomed, you can go back every couple days and keep picking what ripens.

Long, thick sleeves and pants are a must. Gloves don't work as you have to sort of wriggle your hand into the brambles, cup it and entice each ripe berry to roll off your thumb into your hand until there's a handful to put in the basket. The less you have to put your arm in and out, the fewer scratches you get. Only the blackest ones roll off easily. They are tender, so you can't layer them too deep. You have to treat them gently.

Maggie wanted one every so often. I popped a few in every other handful, hoping there weren't bugs hiding. If so, I got my protein......

As we worked our way up to the road, I heard some really loud things crashing from the trees. Figured I had disturbed a bird's nest or something or pinecones were falling. Putting my earbuds back in, I kept going - we were on a roll! I started hearing this loud crashing and thunking in the bushes over the top of the music. Took the earbuds out and peered through the brush and brambles without seeing anything. It sounded like it was coming directly towards us and Maggie wouldn't go check it out for nothing! I tried forcefully saying, "Sick 'em, Maggie" to no avail. She just wagged her tail.

I decided we had enough blackberries for the day. It could have been a buck grazing, a bear who was hungrily collecting berries also, someone guarding a meth lab camouflaged in the cedars or a neighbor who didn't want his favorite berry patch robbed and wanted to scare me. I didn't run, but I did look back. Casually, of course, like hair was in my eyes.

Came home and washed, sorted and bagged about 8 quarts. I'm feeling grateful, like I should make the property owner a blackberry crumble, blackberry tarts or at least a blackberry pie.......but I'm pretty sure he's an apple man. Macintosh to be exact.

ilove

ilove: a opening a new box of crayons. eating fruit, veggies and herbs from our garden. watching birds take a bath. the scent of loverby's t-shirts. burying my face in the sweet necks of people ilove. dewdrop diamonds on leaves. brown craft paper. seed packets. sinking my hand in a barrel of lavender. swinging. rocking. going barefoot. being naked. biting a crisp apple. lotioned feet. pesto. water. old sheet music art. avocados. watching surfers. lighthouses. sunshine soaking in. rocks. wood fires. sauteing mushrooms. hand sewing. sterling silver. soft wrinkles. loving eyes. kneading bread. picking a bouquet. planting seeds. music and lyrics. down comforters. reading. hand crafted artisan creations. books. boats. seals. kisses. you.

ilove you 'specially.

ilove you best.

ilove you most.

ilove you more.

ilove you forever and ever, amen.

ilike

ilike: the burgundy silk tassels on ripened corn clinging to the stalk, the perfume of fresh cut hay laying in fluffy rows, cows with full udders meandering home to the barn for relief, lambs playing king of the mountain, the pungent scent of silage, salmon pink sunsets hovering over the Sound, a throbbing motorcycle seat to straddle, warm wind gliding over me, barns with stately cupolas, fresh picked sun ripened blackberries with a dollop of heavy cream and a hint of sugar, a hug that folds me inside out/outside in and back again, a bath hot enough to melt the sticky layer of sadness away.

ilike tonight. ilike exploring country roads. ilike invited. ilike loverby.

It Isn't....

Isolation isn't solitude. Intensity isn't intimacy. Happiness isn't joy. Being poor isn't being broke. Being depressed isn't being sad. Being in love isn't choosing to love. Enduring isn't thriving. Hearing isn't listening. Seeing isn't noticing. Leaving's not the only way. Turning away isn't turning towards.

There's a heaviness today, sitting on my heart, squeezing my soul hard enough to cause my eyes to leak.

I feel sad.

Checked Off

Craig helps me check things of my bucket list. Today, we scratched another one off. It is so fun when he makes the plan, does the footwork, figures out the how and why and invites me along to join him. Romance at it's very best - I just sit back and enjoy the ride. Literally! :)

This morning, he woke me bright and early, too early, but he offered hot coffee to ease the pain of broken sleep. We dropped a car at the trailhead so we would have a way home when we finished, came back home and road our bikes to the bus stop. We started our adventure close to home with a transfer in Everett, then got dropped off in Snohomish to start at the South end of Centennial Trail, riding home ~ north 18 miles.

It was a very interesting ride. Two homeless women were giving each other tips on which dumpster to dive into for clothes, showing each other a few trinkets that were special and sharing their health issues and hopes. Neither had any teeth. Usually that is a sign of prolonged Meth usage? They were starting a new day, but it was 'Groundhog Day' again, it seemed. It was so sad. When we transferred in Everett, one gal with a bluetooth planted in her ear and a phone in her hand, also toothless, talked the entire time to an imaginary someone on the other side. A handsome, restless young man talked to himself, looking out the window, slathering it with hot steamy breath and words any time he saw a female outside. I felt violated for the unaware girl each time. A twenty something unkempt girl took a pacifier out of her mouth and asked us where the Seattle bus was. We told her we were new to the bus system, she shrugged, plunked it back in and started sucking on it again! ~ Oh, the broken humans we sat on buses with this morning! Makes me want to ride it more often, then really look them in the eye, see them and learn to love them, instead of feeling the tinge of repulsion I felt, quickly turning away, so I wouldn't meet their eyes.

Craig encouraged me the entire way, finding spots to rest with benches, uncomplainingly made a potty stop, showed me his favorite place - the dock on Lake Cassidy, clicking off the miles with, "Honey, we've gone 1/4 of the way, 1/2 the way, 3/4 of the way, we're on the home stretch now".

When halfway into our ride, my 'lunar cycle' unexpectedly caused 'the tide to come in' and threaten to swamp me and soak my clothes and seat, he knew exactly where a midget store with emergency supplies was, only 150 feet off the trail in Lake Stevens. Unembarrassed, he payed, pointed to the restroom which I couldn't see and waited patiently till I found my composure again.

When we passed under the final bridge and had only 4 miles of easy downhill, he encouraged me to keep going, instead of stopping to rest once more, using my momentum to ease into the finish - enjoying it.

Before we put the bikes in the truck, he hugged me tight and told me how proud he was of me, riding 18 miles in 2 1/2 hours. Him celebrating me doing something which seemed impossible, but which I needed to check off my list, made my day! It wasn't at all record breaking, but we finished what we started.

I dearly love this man and his tenderhearted loving kindness, understanding care and encouragement.

When Movies Make Me Cry

Last night all four of us were together for supper, lingering over our lemonade in the garden room. Brita had mowed the lawn earlier, the scent drifted sweetly over us. My family looked so soft and beautiful in the candlelight. It was a treat, we don't have many meals together any more. I felt like a mama hen with her brood all cuddled close.

Earlier, before supper Tess and I harvested her basil and made a batch of pesto by adding olive oil, sea salt, garlic, parmesan, cream and toasted pine nuts. It had an incredibly intense flavor. This huge pile of leaves only made 6 small portions when it was all ground up. I hope we can glean one more harvest before winter.

Afterwards, Tess wanted us to watch a movie called "Big Fish". We all cried and cried at the end. Well, us girls did. Very sweet love story. My favorite line was, "I get so dried out".

It was simply a lovely, quietly satisfying evening. I love my family and love times when we're together and cozy. Being. Becoming. Bonding. Snuggling. Talking. Catching up. Connecting.

Feelin' the Love

Richard took us out on his boat last night. He was taking his boat from Marysville to Everett. It doesn't seem like it should take very long, but it is always a perfect evening trip.

A couple of weeks ago, the Sound was still and calm, the evening balmy enough for us to jump in. Tonight, I wanted to jump in and swim with the whales! Yes, we came upon 2 grays, feeding in the shallow water between Hat Island and the marina. He cut the motor so we could drift and watch the one whale feed within 20-25 feet from the boat. No exaggeration!

We stayed and watched for about an hour. They had this rhythm. Roll, roll, turn and stir everything up from the bottom into it's mouth with the bottom fin while the top fin rose completely out of the water. Wait a few minutes then this 30 foot smooth mound would roll up and down doing it all over again. We saw it's head first, then it's back glistening and rolling. The fin was huge! Quite a few times, we saw it's tail come up. It never smacked the water though, like you expect from cartoons and other such notions. Watching it blow, hearing it up so close and almost feeling the mist......in our imaginations we smelled it's foul whale breath! :)

I was so happy with the 2 eagles and several seals and 2 sea lions we saw! The whales feeding, so close up was over the top! We've lived here 12 years + and we're still awestruck and continually amazed.....