Our simple hand made wedding announcement had a quote from Shakespeare's 'King John' calligraphed on them. I believed it then. I do still.
"He is half the part of a blessed man, left to be finished by such as she; and she, a fair divided excellence, whose fullness of perfection lies in him."
There are men who complain about their wives to everyone. They ridicule, dishonor and expose their faults and vulnerabilities. They are sarcastic, easily making everyone laugh - jokes at her expense. Sometimes they passively don't engage in any way.
These women look flat, don't desire their husbands, have shut off completely from the criticism and to protect themselves. They have a broken spirit, look hopeless and have lost that captivating, inviting, enthused look. They look shriveled, dried up and somewhat forlorn.
The other kind of man covers his wife. Protects her. Honors her by speaking well of her to family and friends and children. Takes the blame and fault on himself. Takes the hits for her. Nurtures her. Encourages her. Empowers her. Treats her tenderly. Shelters her. Invites her. Plays with her. Compliments her. Is affectionate outside the context of sex. Gives instead of takes. Serves her. Prays with her, for her. Fights for her.
I was recently with a friend whose second husband is the second kind of man. Her first husband was the first kind of man. In the years I've known her she has slowly become confident, secure and relaxed. She looks younger and stunningly beautiful now. She glows! She has extraordinary poise and composure. She is accomplishing unbelievable achievements. He is so proud of her!
As we all hit the 50's, it is becoming pretty obvious....... a few girlfriends have bloomed into butterflies. It doesn't seem to be because the woman is or isn't anything, however. It's simply that a certain kind of high caliber man chooses to love her fully and well, all the days of her life, even when he doesn't feel like it! It's how the lover loves, not how lovable or unlovable the beloved is.
All of us women, at times, have the propensity for bitchiness, disrespect, bossiness, irritability, hormonal emotional roller coaster rides, and the common curse of control which we were born with. Yet, there are men who choose to love us, who consistently show us with actions and words, who have graced us with unconditional, on purpose love. It was easy to take for granted when we were younger. Not any more!
Love will make you beautiful! Love does change everything.
Thanks loverby, for ever saying 'I do' and meaning it, sticking with it no matter what. You have. You do. I do too.