Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Only the Bridge~

Ruminating about Facebook.  The blessing, curse, addiction and challenge.  I was invited to facebook in November by a friend.   Signed up, ready for something new.   Setting up my profile and being able to share interests, pictures, music and favorite everything-with the world!   
It was a good idea, as for 6 months or so I have been really isolated and somewhat shutdown and off.  People can speak words of death over a person that are crippling and paralyzing.  Creating my profile was like physical therapy and a way of taking action steps.  Baby steps back to life.   The process was so healing.  Never before blogged, been in chat rooms, instant messaged or anything.  A straight, boring e-mailer only!  
Here are some fascinating aspects and observations.  It hurts, even on cyberspace, when a 'friend request' is ignored.  Seriously, and cyberspace?    It also feels strange when someone who wouldn't connect or speak with you or pursue a relationship in real life for 8 years all of a sudden wants to be your 'FB Friend'.  Lots of people have application responses only, collecting alot of friends, or pokes, or snowballs.  Some people won't take the risk to make a friend request.  Some  people are friends, but after the click, there is NOTHING!  That feels weird too.   It is astonishing how we all want to be understood, heard, known-but not really.  Since I wasn't born with a 'filter' and there's just no pill for the problem, I say, ask, share and am curious - outside of the bounds, Facebook inappropriate, too much intimate information-in a public forum and setting. But I don't know these things ahead of time.  Woops! I'm learning!  Do you, like me crave a comment, a response, a notification, something in our inbox.  I love status updates-when I pull up my friend list at the end of the day and there is something current, pithy, funny, sweet, curious - I feel like I got a little glimpse into their life, for a moment in time.   A shared life and I'm not alone.  And yet, Facebooking can make you feel incredibly lonely also!  Hummmmm.   
Here's what I think.  I'm starting to want to have real relationships again, with people with skin on who I can snuggle up with, see the love in their eyes, see their face shine or their lips quiver.  Feel the music beating the air in our home and our walls absorbing laughter again.  Feed people comforting food which makes love to their very souls, who came empty and go away full.   
In short, Facebook was the bridge back to my life, to fun, to friends, to connecting, to being interested, to being known, to being curious.   But only the bridge.    :)   

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