For twenty years we've been having big gingerbread house decorating parties the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It has become a tradition we have skipped only once; last year, simply from being disheartened.
This year I decided to get up and try again, within a new context. A different group. It was mildly uncomfortable, vulnerable and a bit of a risk. After 3 weeks, only 2 moms replied - a total headcount of 4.
This afternoon, with Thanksgiving coming soon, and needing to prepare for both events, I had to call and tell the 2 moms it was cancelled due to lack of interest. I needed to release myself from trying to make something happen. Freedom. Seeing reality as a friend.
I cried a bit. Yet, since it is a big undertaking, makes a huge mess, is a lot of work and we spend lavishly and generously, I felt OK about it after processing it. Persuaded myself it was a good thing.
I keep trying to do the same thing, the familiar, the comfortable, the traditional, the thing we've always done.
It isn't working.
Tic Tac Toe.
It must be time to start playing a different life game, figuratively speaking. A new normal is needed and I can't figure out what that looks like or feels like.
Maybe it'll be something uncomfortable, unfamiliar, nontraditional, scary, different, radical, and wild. Or invisible, careful, quiet, common and ordinary. In secret? More Public? Joining a team, partnering with someone else's effort or cause? A completely new thing.
What? If only I knew the answer to that.
I do know that the important thing is movement, for you can't steer a parked car.
Will someone shove me, so I won't get stuck.......and paralyzed? Frozen forever in neutral.
Maybe we'll tackle cleaning out the garage Saturday instead. That would be a good thing. :)
Does that count as movement? Yes, but more like a bowel movement...........