Tess was already at work, Brita is in Idaho, Craig is in North Dakota - no one at home to notice if I just gave in to it, but as I started spiraling down in a free fall, I ripped the cord just in time and landed safely in the shower instead. I don't think any men read this, but if any women do - you'll understand maybe, how lazy I get about shaving in the winter. Let's just say I really cleaned up - as if it was bathing suit, sun tanning weather! Nooks and crannies that looked like I had been hybernating for months in places like Boulder, Santa Cruz, Berkley, Fremont or Olympia. 'Greener' places. 'Granolas' live comfortably with hairy armpits and soft furry legs. Places in Europe still totally except it as normal. My humanity and femininity called for me to get a firm grip on that razor.
This streamlined approach to getting my body back, reclaiming it from tangled undergrowth made me feel so invigorated and restored that I couldn't wait to go try the sun bed for the first time this winter. That made me smile so much from those fake UV rays and warmth that I got this urge to go do water aerobics.
Even though I'm a mermaid and love water, I was sort of scared, as I've never done it. And excercise isn't a fun word or thing for me. But, I knew that the law of momentum is something that is moving keeps moving....whereas something stopped stays stopped. I was moving and wanted to keep going. And I was all smooth and pink!
The class was full of beautiful old, out of shape, saggy, people. Like the velveteen rabbit after he became 'Real'. They smiled with such encouragement, made a spot for me and helped me with some moves when I didn't know how. I felt young, vibrant, capable, gorgeously firm, supple, energetic, and playful. I fell in love with my real teeth all over again. Started noticing things to be grateful for - thick hair, a heart that worked well, circulation that pinked up my skin, and realized that my size wasn't the largest, my droops weren't the worst after all. I felt part of normal, an unfamiliar feeling of fitting in.
The smile never did leave my face the whole entire hour. Cramps in my cheeks were starting to set in from smiling. Betty, who is 90, was singing along, "when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore....." at the top of her voice. Which made me almost cry, as that was my grandma's song and she sang it with gusto and delight just the same, any time she felt the urge for a fresh new outlook on life....