Yesterday, Craig and I had a major emotional catastrophe, but it resolved quickly, because we're old enough and have enough experience to do it different than before. We chose to take another route. I actually chose to take the 'high road', which I hate! I like him to be the one to do that! Because I'm lazy? Proud? Comfortable? Who knows why.......
Craig, very early in the morning, before I was even awake yet, set us up to both fail. Sabotaged a perfectly innocent day with no mistakes in it yet. It was out of fear of perhaps being disappointed or hurt. It was from assumptions that he had still clinging to him from a hard night of bad dreams. They seemed real.
I've done the same thing to him at times. It's so hard.......trust and hope seem so dangerous sometimes! Vulnerability is being nakedly exposed to possible rejection, abandonment or just having someone you love turn away from you in disgust. It might be the last straw, the last ticket?
I said some really angry, ugly things to him out of my anger and hurt. I wanted to get in the car and take off and drive off the edge of the world - not come back.
But leaving's not the only way to go!
Reassuring him of my commitment, my love, my respect, my desire and the covenant which will not be broken was the last thing I wanted to do. Nor did I want to make him the enticing Father's Day breakfast that was planned, but I did; the french toast, coffee and sausage, a different kind of 'communion' to remind us that a cord of three strands will not easily be broken..........
La Chaim!!!!!! To Life! I bow, curtsy, toast, cheer, applaud, raise my hands, my glass.....and drink...... deeply of life. That means every last drop. Sometimes sugar gets sprinkled in by Someone.........helping it go down easier!
As we cuddled each other to sleep we both realized the day that had started off badly had become sweeter and sweeter. We felt like hummingbirds drunk on spiked nectar? :)