Tuesday, July 21, 2009


The last post about Kent Keith's "Paradoxical Commandments - Anyways" let me take a sort of inventory, do a check up, take my temperature right now. So I'm going to keep going with this train of thought.

Miserable, unhappy, wretched, fearful and empty people can rob me quickly of the necessary stamina and endurance that it takes to live this way consistently. I'm not sure why; maybe it's a maturity thing, or a boundary thing? Am I such a wimpy wilting violet? No, I refuse to shrivel up!

As I recover slowly from old and new wounds and have progressed through the stages of emotional healing and have purposefully resumed my real life of gardening, fun, friends, hospitality, playing, adventures, traveling, thinking, reading, loving, forgiving, trusting and serving again; I wonder if my life possibly provokes and confronts people? The most healing thing in the world to counteract slander, injury, insult or attack is to simply live life to the fullest and let it burst out.......anyways! Easy to say, hard to do..........

It is happening though, and I'm so grateful. It has been like Eugene Peterson says, "A Long Obedience In The Right Direction". There is so much joyful progress and blessing this summer!

I just read a poignant review of "Phoebe in Wonderland". She says, "It's about a little girl with quirks that neither she nor anybody else understand. Her mother wants to preserve her uniqueness while finding a way to help Phoebe.

Phoebe's drama teacher says, 'At a certain point in your life (probably when too much of it has gone by) you will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are.....especially see everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, 'but I am this person.' In that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.''

I would add this from my own experience. I believe it can only come from without. We can't manufacture it or have the wherewithal to self -fill our own tank! It must come from outside of us, from our Creator first. This knowledge, knowing and believing how He sees me and what He thinks of me and how He loves me gets knocked about, beat up and crumbled, often...... then I remember again what I forgot and try to bounce. I want to be like Lucia in "You Are Special" ---none of the dots or stars stuck to her. She was free because she knew whose she was and who made her.

It is so sad when we waste time on that familiar refrain reinforced over and over again by others, "What's wrong with you". Then, allow it to echo futilely, destructively and dangerously in our own heart..... "What's wrong with me?" What if there isn't anything wrong with you or me?

Our life, our marriage, our family is so full to the brim with contentment, gratefulness and love running over, splashing everything like a tremendous waterfall....I can hardly contain it all. I know, I know.....I don't always feel like this - but right now feel it clear to my toes! :) This must be what it feels like to live like I believe there's nothing wrong with me.

Actually, when Craig got home I warned him to come outside without his cell phone or wallet, egging him on to try and capture the hose from me. It was so hot and the water so cold and the take-over so easy for him! After we were all wet and kissed and dripping, we just stood underneath this sprinkling waterfall, smiling and soaked with silliness.

I really like waterfalls! One of the things on my bucket list is to stand behind a thunderous water fall and feel it's throbbing power surrounding me. Wow, maybe I can check it off, I think I'm standing there?

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