Pursuing the poetical, paradoxical, metaphorical, lyrical, artistical, majestical, and mystical.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Two step blogging.  One old 'story'-one new 'story'.....  This is a new one: 

Last Saturday after clicking/canceling 3 times in a row-I finally deactivated my facebook acct.  What I should have done is have the courtesy to say goodbye, so people wouldn't feel rejected.   I didn't know it even mattered....Sorry!   It wasn't anyone else, it's me who's the problem!  For some reason, after I would get off my heart would usually feel sad, not at the engagement that did happen, but all the connections not made or dropped or flopped.   I loved it, but then started to hate it.   There were only about 6 people that were really consistently interacting.  I kept removing people because I wanted my friend list to reflect what was real.  But hated anyone to feel unwanted.  I wanted them in real life, just not a blank on my wall.   I couldn't get it to be congruent.   Maybe some people don't enjoy writing, or it is hard for them.  Also, realized that most people work outside home, some have little ones, and full busy lives.  TV isn't in my life, so I had the luxury of checking in often, writing, commenting, posting, searching and reading about everyone else all I wanted.  It was really interesting.  Then, started feeling weird-I needed to get a life!    It was obvious I had NONE.   I used to have one, where did it go?   I want one again!   Finally...... I want and need a 'real' life, real connections, real
relationships, real faces.  This is good!  Friendships take alot of work, real work.  We can disappoint each other, hurt, comfort, encourage, exhort, stimulate....... 
This morning I sent out a few handwritten cards of encouragement, with stamps on.  Hopefully it will make someone smile, and that is what's real.  Sort of like warm muffins, or a hug.  They can hold it, touch it, stick it on the fridge...
We are all lonely, want desperately to be known and understood, heard and wanted.  A new desire is pulsing in my heart once again to help, serve, put a bandaide on these cuts, bruises
and wounds.  Others have lavished the same on me, so I can again.    This is the song ringing in my head: 

                                                              ~ Be The Center~
".....Be the fire in my heart, Be the wind in these sails, Be the reason that I live,  Jesus,  Jesus."

Real life, real time, facereal, instead of facebook?   :)    I survived and had a Great weekend without fb......     I'll probably come back sometime;  sharing pics and videos and songs was really fun and so easy!   
My empty calendar now has 3 coffee dates on it, I can't wait!   
 

2 comments:

eicherz2 said...

I can identify with these feelings. We long for more from others then we are sometimes willing to give.

I just wish I was close enough to be one of your coffee dates!

Rhonda said...

Here's to "real" -- And thanks for making me feel wanted! You've always been so good at that. Hopefully I'll get on your coffee date list soon....but I know it depends on me, so we'll see! I'm kind of a slacker.....